the last two weeks were just too much for me. and the prospect of the next week doesn't make things better. i feel so exhausted - i think i could sleep until christmas. my head feels like it's filled with cotton. my body looks like an old cutting board. i cut myself again. by now i suppose i could even say i started again. the one time a few weeks ago might have been just a relapse, but what i did two days ago was a bit more than that. i don't know how to tell my boyfriend. i haven't seen him since sunday and he's coming back tomorrow. there are angry red cuts all over my body; my arm my legs and worst of all my belly. they're not deep, but he'll go frantic anyway... i just can't cope anymore. it's too much. i don't know how to carry on. the next week will be a single nightmare, i have no idea how i'm supposed to handle everything.